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Hall of Fame | Wonky Code

Somebody sent this in yesterday, it's in German, but bad code is bad in any language. There are so many WTFs with this code I had to summarize the best WTFs for you:

  • list($as,$nl)=explode("0","array_slice0<br>\n"); I guess actually declaring the variables $as and $nl took too many lines of code.
  • Why is my code so slow?

    Hall of Fame | Bad Architecture

    Don't you hate it when the Internet makes your PHP run slow? I do. Props to Andrew Lindeman for sending this snippet in. I trimmed it to reduce the boring.

    This code checks the status of a bunch of Diablo II game servers and generates a pretty table that shows a server's status. Unfortunately the code runs really, really slow. Damn the Internet!

    <style type="text/css">
    <!--
    ...
    -->
    </style>
    <p align="center" class="style1">Overall PKA Server Status</p>
    <table width="100%" border="0" align="center" cellspacing="0">
     <tr bordercolor="#990000" bgcolor="#990000">
       <td><strong>Diablo II Realms </strong></td>
       <td bgcolor="#FF0000"><span class="style5">Status</span></td>
       <td bgcolor="#660000"><strong>Diablo II Game Servers 1 </strong></td>
       <td bgcolor="#660000"> </td>
       <td bgcolor="#660000"><span class="style6">Diablo II Game Servers 2 </span></td>
       <td bgcolor="#660000"> </td>
     </tr>
     <tr>
       <td width="172">Diablo II  Open Server is :</td>
       <td width="121"><?php
    if ($fp = @fsockopen("bnet.pkaclan.com","6112")) { echo "<img src=images/open.gif>"; } else { echo "<img src=images/closed.gif>"; }
    ?></td>
    ...
     </tr>
     <tr>
       <td>PKA Realm is :</td>
       <td><?php
    if ($fp = @fsockopen("bnet.pkaclan.com","6113")) { echo "<img src=images/open.gif>"; } else { echo "<img src=images/closed.gif>"; }
    ?></td>
       <td>D2GS PKA1.1(Soulzek):</td>
       <td><?php
    if ($fp = @fsockopen("68.56.114.98","4000")) { echo "<img src=images/open.gif>"; } else { echo "<img src=images/closed.gif>"; }
    ?></td>
       <td> </td>
       <td> </td>
     </tr>
     <tr>
       <td>PvP Realm is :</td>
       <td><?php
    if ($fp = @fsockopen("bnet.pkaclan.com","7113")) { echo "<img src=images/open.gif>"; } else { echo "<img src=images/closed.gif>"; }
    ?></td>
       <td>D2GS PvP1.09(<SPAN class=postbody>Shiznoo</SPAN>):</td>
       <td><?php
    if ($fp = @fsockopen("141.158.150.28","4000")) { echo "<img src=images/open.gif>"; } else { echo "<img src=images/closed.gif>"; }
    ?></td>
       <td> </td>
       <td> </td>
     </tr>
     <tr>
       <td>Ancestrall Recall Realm is :</td>
       <td><?php
    if ($fp = @fsockopen("bnet.pkaclan.com","8113")) { echo "<img src=images/open.gif>"; } else { echo "<img src=images/closed.gif>"; }
    ?></td>
       <td>D2GS AR1.10(Wallbot):</td>
       <td><?php
    if ($fp = @fsockopen("wow.pkaclan.com","4000")) { echo "<img src=images/open.gif>"; } else { echo "<img src=images/closed.gif>"; }
    ?></td>
       <td> </td>
       <td> </td>
     </tr>
     <tr>
       <td>Hell Unleashed Realm is : </td>
       <td><?php
    if ($fp = @fsockopen("bnet.pkaclan.com","9113")) { echo "<img src=images/open.gif>"; } else { echo "<img src=images/closed.gif>"; }
    ?></td>
       <td>D2GS HU1.10 (Gnecromancer): </td>
       <td><?php
    if ($fp = @fsockopen("24.71.57.148","4000")) { echo "<img src=images/open.gif>"; } else { echo "<img src=images/closed.gif>"; }
    ?></td>
       <td>D2GS HU1.10 (D2Classic): </td>
       <td><?php
    if ($fp = @fsockopen("69.133.108.231","4000")) { echo "<img src=images/open.gif>"; } else { echo "<img src=images/closed.gif>"; }
    ?></td>
     </tr>
     <tr bgcolor="#990000">
    ... more of the same ...
    
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