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PHP's limited MySQL and math functionality...

Wonky Code

I've been using PHP for about 5 years and I like it a lot. However, two of my biggest complaints is that it has limited MySQL functionality and limited arithmetic operators. This isn't really a WTF but an example of what should be fixed in PHP.

I pray to the PHP gods! Please let me select a single field from a table! Please give me the modulus operator! I beg of thee!

Thanks to Wonko for sending this in.