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Rolling your own Date/Time functions

Bad Architecture

What do you do when there are just too many working hours in the day? Re-invent some PHP functions. While you're at it also add some global variable requirements to make sure free time doesn't happen in the future.

When I was your age I didn't have luxuries like...

Bad Architecture

being able to select more than one column from the database at a time!
(thanks to Nightflyer for this submission)